After Closing

Month of October just closed which means another busy “closing” day ended. My work isn’t directly affected by this but it gives me a little bit stress when it’s closing coz that means I’d be overloaded again with another month to handle. I’m trying to relate my topic with this, but the main point of my blogging again is to distress what I feel after a “thing” officially ended. It has been long ended actually, but this time, it’s really closed. When I say this, that means, I’m not turning back. I guess this time I’ve reached my limit, not only coz it was frankly blurt out on my face, but merely b’coz of the fact that the insensitivity of someone reached all the patience or better yet call it martyrdom I have with me. It’s actually good that it was done that way, coz if not I wouldn’t reach this point where I know I won’t turn back anymore. Honestly, I hate this stage I’m in coz when I feel this way on someone, that person can never enter my world anymore. I’m really sad that it happened this way, after all. I’m not sad it ended, coz honestly I love the freedom I have now, I love the feeling of living my life for myself. But I can’t help not to be sad that a once perfect relationship turned out to be my worst nightmare. That the person I’ve perceived as my prince turned out to be a beast. A beast that’s too insensitive. (hahaha, I hope he’ll never read this, but if he will, well this is what I think and I’m just expressing it). You might think I’m having grudges or anything, you may think whatever you want, but I only knows how much I’ve gone thru, and bcoz of that experienced I can 100% say that I’ve stated a fact and not mere grudges. I’m tired. I’m tired of hiding and diverting the grudges I’ve been having. I’d be plastic if I say I don’t coz with everything he put me thru, I’m a saint if I’d say I’m not mad. I’m not mad that he closed me off, I’m just mad with how he did it. Hanging you without answers for a couple of months, then show “gratitude” after that, then close you off again. Insensitive, that’s all I can say. Leche if I’d say it in tagalog. Hahaha. Well, thanks to that tho, coz now, I’m really fed up. No turning back. I’d give myself a trophy for martyrdom if I will. I’m so glad this happened now that I see things in a different perspective coz if before, damn, I don’t know how to cope with it. But as my friends say, God won’t give you a situation where he knows you can’t handle it guess he knows how tough I am now. Hahaha. Now, I’m just excited to meet who my next prince will be, I’m not rushing, coz at this point, I’m loving “singleness”. One thing I’ve realized now is I’m just 22…young..too young.. I’ve made my “not-so-good-priorities” before that lead me to how strong and motivated I am now, that’s why I’m so glad it happened. Other than the fact I’ve saved myself for a lifelong martyrdom, I’ve finally discovered who I am and I’m loving myself more. It’s not being selfish, I’m just being “complete” with who I am. Now, after that close, I know I’ll be better. I was, and I will be. J Now, I feel relieved, coz finally, I’ve expressed my grudge that I’ve been keeping to public coz I was actually waiting. But this time, it’s different. I’m gonna live my life, reach for my goals, learn from my next failures, and hopefully someday, to bump with my real prince, if not, I’d still die happy and fulfilled. :)