The Love Month

One more day and it’ll be the love month again. February means two things for me, birthday and valentine. In the past, I’ve always look forward to this month coz of my birthday. Just like any babies, I’ve always love it when it’s my birthday coz it will mean parties and gifts. But as I grow older, it became an ordinary thing. For the past five years, this month has been a memorable one tho this year will surely be a different story.
After half a decade I’d celebrate this month alone. It’s sad but happy at the same time. Sadness coz I used to have someone, happy coz I’m gonna celebrate it without bitterness and somehow I’ve already moved on. It will be fun if I’d have someone to spend it with but I want to recognize this state that I might not be ready yet.
For others, it’s too easy to find someone else but it’s the opposite for me. Either coz I look too serious or too idealistic that nobody is man enough to approach me. Not setting aside the fact that it’s hard for me to fall in love the same as it’s hard for me to fall out of love. It’s funny to think that even how tough and serious I may seem to look like, I’m still a girl that’s weak inside that feels the need to have someone who they’d spend their time with.
I’ve been alittle lonely the past days, feeling empty without somebody, without him. And this love month is not helping me too maybe coz of the fact that I’ve been into an ending of “my-first-and-serious-long-term relationship” that it’s too hard for me to deal being alone especially during this times. After recovering from a total heartbreak and accepting that the past wasn’t meant to be, loneliness is the next step I need to deal with. Loneliness from not having him when I’m so used being with him and from the fact that I still haven’t found someone else.
I’ve never been in any other relationship so this is the first time I’ll ever handle heartbreak and moving on. I’m not sure how long it’ll take for me to find someone else again, or even if I’ll find him, will he find me? The first time I had my love story was when I was 17 years-old, I’ve used to believe in “first and last” thing coz I thought then that you’d only fall in love deeply once in your life. Idealistic as I was, I believed in forever love. And it seemed to be that way for almost 5 years until reality hit me and gave me my first heartbreak that almost ended my life. It was a struggle but it changed me a lot, too much that even my closest friends and family can’t believe how different I am now, which I think resulted to the better me.
Now, I’m not sure if I still believe in forever love. But I sure hope I’d still meet someone I’d fall deeply in love again and he’d feel the same in return. But now, I need to endure this loneliness until I find not “Mr.Right”, but “the one” for me. A person that’s neither perfect nor right, but will love and commit himself to me, may not be forever but as long as he is willing to. :)

Invisible

How can someone hurt you without them knowing they do?
And why do tears fall whenever they ignore you?
What are you supposed to do to suppress the feeling?
When all you see are their shadow?
I guess this is the pain that’s cause of caring for someone
Yet you’re just invisible.

Lila 012509

Somebody

..... just the right message for someone who feels empty without somebody.. (drama).haha...
but i totally agree with my friends and family who kept saying that.. someday.. everything will make sense... and someday.. you may meet somebody.. :)

so when you feel empty.. just read thru this....

-somebody is thinking of you.
-somebody is caring about you.
-somebody misses you
-somebody wants to talk to you.
-somebody wants to be with you.
-somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.
-somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.
-somebody wants to hold your hand.
-somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
-somebody wants you to be happy.
-somebody wants you to find him/her.
-somebody is celebrating your successes.
-somebody wants to give you a gift.
-somebody thinks that you ARE a gift.
-somebody loves you.
-somebody admires your strength.
-somebody is thinking of you and smiling.
-somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

now, will you be that somebody???...............

This is "me" now

I'm sick physically and emotionally lonely at the moment. So what to do? hehe, just be shallow and answer this thingy. A to Z about me as of 01.21.09. :) Love to check this part again in the next 5 years so I know what changed about "me" by then. :)

I've once talked to my bestfriend on how different our paths have been with the way we've pictured it in college. Too bad, I didn't have a record of what I wanted then. One thing I remember was I wanted to be a SGV Partner, and my bessy seems to be the one living that dream now while I'm so far from it.hahaha. But that's alright coz at the moment I have a different want. :)

So, here goes: (This is "ME" now)

A to Z questions to ease my stress and loneliness (*drama* - haha):


A] - AVAIL​ABLE?
Unfortunately and fortunately... YES, single and available but :).

Unfortunately for him/them, fortunately for me??? wehehe...( :( )

[B] - BIRTH PLACE?
Macabebe

[C] - CELL PHONE?
Motorolla V8

D] - DRINK YOU HAD LAST?
Water :)

[F] - FAVOR​ITE COLORS?
Green, Orange and Red (nice combination!)

[G] - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS?
Gummy worms

[H] - HOMETOWN?
Macabebe and Malate

[I]-FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
rocky road

[J] - JUST SOMET​HING YOU ALWAYS SAY?
Honestly. hahaha. "Living with integrity". hahahaha.

[K]- KILLED SOMEO​NE?
Nope. Never and will never. :)

[L] - Limeade or lemonade?
Limeade?? --- what's that? (lou: ignorant again!)
Obviously, Lemonade. :)

[M]-MONEY OR LOVE??
Both!!!!! hahaha. But to choose, I'd rather have LOVE. What I'll do with money if I don't have someone to share it with??!!! and LOVE is the main reason of being! :) Money and all others are just "incidental" stuff!

[N] - Number of Siblings?
3

[O]Outgoing?
Not too much, but not too loner anymore than I "used to be". :)
I think I'm friendly and bubblier nowadays. :)

[P] - Piercings?
Just the two ear piercing I had since my toddler days (which btw, isn't my choice.hahaha)

[Q] -Quiet?
It depends. I'm "seemed" to be quiet but I'm the opposite actually. :)
I'm quiet only when:
- i'm with someone i'm not at ease to (i don't like, in short)
- I'm working on something (just to focus my precious thoughts hahaha)
- sleeping.. (or am I? I might be snoring.hahahah)
- listening to someone who's talking (ofcourse!!!)
- I'm mad.

[R] - Reasons you smile?
Now, I "SMILE" at ALL COST.
I try to be grateful in anything but everything. :)

[S] - LAST SONG YOU LAST HEARD?
"I Love You Goodbye!" - Celine Dion
A friend have been teasing me that song that whole day. GOSH. hahaha.

[T]- TIME YOU WOKE UP
7:20 am.
Whew! Good thing I wasn't late. I just brought my breakfast at work.hahahaha

[U] - DO YOU LOVE ANYONE?
Yes. I do.
Who??
- A past and a present.
- friends
- people that believes in me
- my family. :)
- and my God.

** But I wanna learn to love those who I hate. When it happens, I'm too ready to die.hahaha

[V] - VEGETABLES
hmmm.. this is the hardest question..hahaha.
I like Carrots and potatoes

[W] - WORST HABIT?
Crying when I'm mad. Damn, how can I fight back?? hahaha

[X] - X-RAYS?
during my APE last year.

[Y] - YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?
too many. but I'll always love palabok and arellenong bangus .. :) and... chocolates :)

[Z] -ZODIA​C SIGN?
- Aquarious
* Guess that's why I love water. :)

01.20.2009

Today's the inaguration of Barrack Obama, ofcourse, it's memorable coz it'll be the first african-american president, and seems to be one of the youngest president of the United States. It's sure is a memorable day for me too. Used to be. While everybody is happy and excited, I feel the opposite. I don't know why it's so easy for others to find someone new and I can't. :( But that's alright, I know, IN TIME. :)

Enduring

I've never been the type who endures. I used to be very out-spoken, if i don't like it, I say it. But since that "miracle" thingy that happened to me last year, I suddenly became too patient in everythin that sometimes I want to tell me myself and scream, "SAY No!" or "Don't Do It!" or "You're f**ckn bitch!". haha. But I don't coz I honestly am so willing to endure it with all my heart that I DON'T FEEL like complaining. And honestly, it's very unusual, very unlike me. But I'M SO LOVING IT even tho after the end of the day, I feel like crying. haha.

I grew up lucky that I always get what I want until that "luckiness" ended last year. I don't know why but since then, everything in my life became out-of-control, or others may call it "unlucky". If this happened to someone else, probably, they'd feel so bad right now. but i don't know why I feel so great with unluckiness. Things aren't going my way; i'm work-loaded, lonely and loveless, under-employed and underpaid, annoying monkeys around me, but still I endure and find ways to be happy.

And since I know how it feels like to both be lucky and unlucky, I can honestly admit that I like unlucky better. Coz i feel more matured and broad-minded in things. I feel like I'm willing to face anything coz I'm strong enough to endure it and find ways to feel great about it. And so unlike of everyone else. :)

Anyways, have to cut this out, i'm just venting out and distressing the stress I'm feeling at the moment. But I'm so happy being stressed. I know, I'm a WEIRDO.hehe.:)

Be Thankful

Got this from one of the partners of the Company I've loved and proud to have worked at, SGV & Co. I miss that company so much, the professionalism of the people, the fulfilling work and training, and most especially, I miss my friends and the bondings. Tho it was a past experience now, I will always treasure those memorable and fulfilled years I've stayed in that Company. Leaving that Company was really one of the hardest decision I've ever made in my entire life, because there lays my dream and passion. After leaving it, my life started to feel out of control and I felt lost. But it doesn't mean I'm not happy now, guess it just shaken my path alittle coz i was so sure before, it was a sure path.

Now, I have a new path, very far and different from that past, and I can sense that I'll succeed in it because I know my passion is in it already. Tho at times it still confuses me because I had two different desires in a lifetime, but I can feel that my current passion is where I really wanna be despite the thought that I may forget my own profession.

Anyways, here's the words of wisdom from PTT, this is very true. I've applied this principles during my dark and broken moments and it helped me alot in moving on and look at the great things about my life. If only all people would apply this in life, the world will be a better place to live in coz no one else will be complaining anymore.

As I've said to a friend, "If you don't want it, don't do it. But if you have no choice, just endure it, but instead of mourning and complaining just look at the brighter side of it and look forward for its reward".


**** BE THANKFUL ****
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made the effort.

Be thankful when you lose a battle, this will give you inspiration to fight back and win the war.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

Bonjour 2009!!

A new year may mean a year older or a new beginning. Most have probably listed their New Year’s resolutions or plans. And I wasn’t spared to this question, “What’s my new year’s resolution?” That question made me smile.

I’m a woman of objective, well, stating it simple; I don’t usually wait for a new year to set a plan. I’m naturally futuristic and I always try to plan ahead. With my old-self, I was goal-oriented but short-sighted. I grew up lucky that whenever I want something and set my whole focus in it, I usually get what I want. Lucky, huh? J But I was then too short-sighted coz I’ve always wanted to get what I want the way I’ve pictured it by will-power and faith. The only problem with my old-self is that I’m too futuristic that sometimes I tend to neglect or set-aside “today”. And that’s what I love about the new-me, coz the new me lives fully today but futuristic at the same time. Is it possible? Well, I can see that it is. And it’s just a game of “balance”. :)

In our world now, a lot of people are having a hard time, especially those I see homeless in the metro. Sometimes I wonder if it was just merely fate that brought them in such situation or there’s something else lacking? And whenever I see these people, I do feel saddened, but it makes me think of this phrase at the same time, “What I am is God’s gift to me, what I become is my gift to God”.

Everybody knows how to pray (except atheist, of course), and I wonder sometimes how others pray. Do they ask for a 100% worry-free life? Or do they ask for a miracle to happen? I grew up in a 100% catholic family and was educated 100% by a catholic school/university from kinder until I received my diploma. And I used to think that everybody had their theology class for 16years.hahaha. Being exposed to a catholic environment, prayer is a daily activity for me. And to increase the level of intensity of my prayer, I do novenas.haha. And what do I usually pray? Before, I ask help in whatever I want at that moment. And I guess, most will agree that they do
the same.

But this year was different, I seldom pray for what I want anymore, not even help, or miracle or a worry-free life. Guess I was awaken by the truth that I’m living in an imperfect world. What I ask now is a proper state of heart and mind that is strong enough to face whatever this imperfect world will throw to my face. :)

And to begin 2009, I’d answer that question, “What’s my new year’s resolution?” And my answer is nothing. All I need is a light to have a proper state of mind and heart, and then everything in 2009 (and the rest of my years) will be alright. :)

Happy New Year!!!

Adios 2008

Today might be the last day I’d get the chance to be online since I’d be in my hometown the rest of 2008, and I wouldn’t want to miss the chance leaving this year without proper goodbye.
2008 is one of the best year I had so far, best may even be an understatement. It was too great that I can’t imagine how many things squeezed in just a year, but I’m so glad and thankful that it did. It was a perfect mixture of happiness and sadness that eventually made me the person that I am now, the person that feels so great in every perspective.

Talking ‘bout happiness, this year I was able to travel a lot and meet both my old and new friends. I have gone to Cebu, Puerto Galera, Nueva Vizcaya, Banaue and Baguio. I’ve been able to be in touch with my college friends that I haven’t seen in the longest time, both from pre-com and accountancy. I was able to establish real closeness with my family than I ever did. And lastly, I have met new friends and best friends that I know I can trust and build long term friendship. :)

But there were also too many goodbyes this year, start it off with the end of a 5-years relationship, relatives and friends that have gone to the next life, and just recently, my bro going abroad. Goodbyes are the saddest thing but I got immune to it as I grow up just by the number of times I’ve transferred schools and home address, however, this year’ goodbyes felt different coz despite the pain and the sadness, it gave me a lot of lessons and a new insight on things. Now, I see goodbyes as a new beginning of greater things in life, so I don’t fear and be too saddened by it. More, it gives me happiness and excitement to face the new challenge of a different world. :)

Other than relationships, travels and goodbyes, I’ve learned a lot of new things this year too, from attending French classes and leadership/ business seminars and reading books. But the best lessons I’ve had were the wisdom learned from the experience of hardship. It is so true that beyond failure and disappointment, a great treasure is hidden. :)

If without the support of my family, friends and my creator, I don’t know how I’ll ever survive 2008. I almost had the intention of losing life, but thankfully a proper light came to me to appreciate the greatest thing that happened to me, and that’s realizing the great power of my mind and my light. :)

2009 has lots of predictions especially both on global financial and environmental crisis. Most people aren’t aware of it, and worse, don’t even care about it. But despite, I feel like I’m ready to face 2009, having with me the lots of things I’ve learned this year that will help me survive another challenging-fun year. :)

Penalty of Success

One of the Filipino-Chinese influences I have now is Mr.Francis Kong. I believe the man has it says in terms on success, business and life itself. I’ve attended his seminars once and was lucky enough to shake hands with him. I haven’t bought any of his books but I regularly check his blogs. (www.franciskong.com). Just recently, he posted this blog entitled “Everybody loves a winner….or do they really?”. It talks about a thing that I myself was experiencing. It has alot of terms, can be office politics, crab mentality, or even cannibalism. But to quote it further, it talks about the penalty of success that an individual will have to face whenever excel in her/his field, and that’s the antipathy of others.

In every workplace exists a cannibal. These are people who eat you up with jealousy and envy the moment they see you successful and that your success poses a threat to their own. A winner isn’t being loved by all, a winner creates an admiration and envy at the same time. We’ve heard often that adversity tells you who your friends are. Success does, too. Failure and success both reveal who really cares about us – the ones who stick with us through thin and thick. If anything, success identifies genuine friends more surely than failure does.

This kind of mentality is a viral in Filipino culture. Just looking at our own politics for instance, since I was born in 1986 (EDSA 1 Days) impeachment is being raised to anyone who will seat in the presidency. And why? Because everyone else’s thinks they deserve better to seat. It’s bullshit honestly. That’s why I seldom watch news, local news. Coz everyday, you see pure bad politics that they’re exposing and it’s really unhealthy for my mindset who seeks greatness and gratefulness. If I’ll watch it, I’ll just end up with how everybody else’s feels, ungrateful and unsatisfied. Setting aside politics, I can see that PI can really go further and rise its well being, if only, most have the right mentality. And one of those is cannibalism. Instead of mourning and complaining on how good others get, why not look into your own folly? Who knows you lack on something too? Or maybe it isn’t the right time for you and something else’s better planned for you? Instead of spreading ungratefulness and bad image of the person to someone else, why not just try to work on where you lack and be better?

I’m fond of Koreans and Japanese. Not only their drama (movies and teleseryes) that I love, I love how these people value and love their country. I love how they value unity which is very far from PI. I’ve once read a friend’s blog that’s an essay of her Korean student. In that blog, the Korean compared how different PI and Korea is. In 90’s, South Korea’s economy was way behind PI’s economy. Their economy suffered a lot after the battle between the North and South ended. But unlike PI, most Korean stayed put in their country and those who were residing abroad went back home to help their country stand up. They didn’t care who gets the credit or not, instead they just worked together in unity to bring their economy back on track. And our time now, who would have thought that South Korea belongs to the Top 5 most expensive city? (Seoul). Reading that blog made me see how different our PI culture is, which no wonder why our country is still behind.

Its Christmas time again, so before I go further, Merry Christmas. J Hahaha. Most pinoys are probably exchanging gifts by now. Other than spreading and giving material gifts, maybe we can stop cannibalism and start working on spreading unity and gratefulness as a gift. J This is the perfect time to start it before the great financial crisis truly hits us. :)

Changing Mindset

Life’s a choice. “Destiny” believers will say the contrary, but for someone who has been in the both side, I found out that 90% of the time it is true and I’ll leave the 10% to divine intervention or call it, “fortuitous”. In anything, there’s always two side of the story that we cannot really say which is right or not. Indifferences as we call it. With two sides comes two different beliefs, and when one cross from one belief to another thus indeed a miracle. Miracle as it is, I’ve proven that it doesn’t completely rest to miracle for this to happen. I’ve happened to proved that it all comes down to “mindset”. Changing mindset leads to different perspective. :)

Before, I’m a person of “heart over mind”. I grew up believing that you should always follow your heart. Despite the great influence of analysis in my field, I always end up setting aside my rational for the whole benefit of my heart. And I honestly don’t see any problem with it, coz for 22 years that helped me reach the level of where I am now because of my heart. Following it feeds me the great desire that helped me reached for what I want by extreme will, even if it’s irrational. That gave me a lot of happiness in the past which I’m very thankful of. But I realized that following my heart made me short-sighted. Coz I do not listen to everybody else’s logic coz I always felt that my heart tells me the right thing coz it felt it was the thing that could make me happy. And as I’ve said there’s nothing wrong with it. But the only thing that I didn’t like with this is I felt I’ve missed some things in my journey in following my heart. I still value my heart coz it gives me my life, but now, in every battle of my heart and mind, I usually give bias to my mind. It may not be the right thing, but I noticed that clinging to my rational gave me this open mind to anything including disappointment, resentment, annoyance and anything negative. That whatever negative circumstance happens, I can surpass it without feeling too bad and gave me more courage to be better. It’s amazing to see the light of a different mind coz things are so different. Different that sometimes it scares you coz it’s out of your comfort zone or “used to be”. That’s “three” different in two sentences coz it’s really different. Hahaha. With rationality I felt so happy despite the most tragic of tragic, I had more time to do what I want and be open to different “wants”, and it gave me courage to look brightly in the future instead of mourning into the past or to problems. It gave me open-mind to see possibilities in each circumstance and lastly, it made me feel calm and grateful in every breathing moment.haha. So different that probably my old-self wouldn’t completely agree with how I think now or probably it wouldn’t even surpass the circumstances. But all I know is it gave me happiness to anything but anything. :)

Passing By

The world revolves 24-hours, and since I’m still young, I can survive 24-hours sleepless, did that for a few times already. Other than working and living at night, my worse-unhealthy-habit was not sleeping 24-hours to 32 hours straight. Work-acholic as I was, the past years I was too focused with my career and other stuff that health was my least priority. Good thing I woke up now before I start experiencing its side effects.

Health is wealth; most people say that to me. I used to listen but forget it after 5-minutes. I even used to feel that time is so short for all the stuff I need to do that 24-hours isn’t enough already. Worse even lying down on my bed couldn’t make me sleep coz of these “stuff”. Career-freak as I was, sleeping was hard-work for me. No wonder pimples freaked out of me and people see me as “28-year-old with 3-children”…OUCH. Hahaha. But encountering the word “balance”, I personally agree that 24-hours are enough for everything without looking as a stress-tab-haggard-model. Plus I’ve even looked blooming. Haha. :)

With all the turn-around that happened to me in 2008, I noticed that this year I’ve attended to a lot of funerals from a colleague, batch mate, childhood friend and just recently a relative. Death is the most dreadful topic for me before. I can’t even listen to a single ghost story plus I can’t even dare to look at the coffin on the wake. I always have this little fear of the unknown, like I wake up and realize that I’ve just been alive for 22 years now (and counting J) but will be sleeping or dead or in the unknown for the rest of the years. That thought bring fear to me before, but now, it’s a different story.

Now, death is a reminder for me that life’s just temporary. That whatever you accomplish, whatever you have and whatever you do is just temporary. But you shouldn’t live in fear or be a bummer, instead try to make the best out of it. Fulfill those dreams, do what you want, be crazy and live fully each day not forgetting to try to balance everything in your life: relationship, health, career and spiritual. For you’ll never know until when you’d be able to do it.

Crossroads

Anything done first is both exciting and hard. Excitement comes from the desire of knowing much as we can that eventually becomes hard coz you have to do a lot of work and adjustment. My desire for learning now is too high that sometimes it does frustrate me. As we know, in our world today, there’s too much information going around that can lead us to become overloaded with stuff. And it’s up to you on which to believe in and follow thru. In my quest to learning, I’ve read a lot of books, looked into a lot of websites and asked around to get as much of a deal, and I can say I do feel overwhelmed sometimes. So when it happens, I stop and does something fun, like hang out with my friends and my family. Then afterwards, go back to my quest again.

I’m a professional accountant, and I used to be very sure of my track to where I wanna be in this field. I used to be so sure on where I’m going before something had to be done that I had to get out of the course where I was looking at. The reason for my detour is already gone. That left me too devastated for months because I felt I’ve lost both my career and my life. I can always go back to my old track if I wanted to, like a prodigal son I just need to admit that I was mislead. Tho I know I’ve made the wrong move of detouring, at the moment I no longer feel that I still want what I’ve used to dream about. That it does scare me coz the path I want to pursue now is a little different to the course of my profession and it is very risky. It’s a course not looked as successful at the early stage but once you hit the right blend, its financial impact is indeed very rewarding. But as I’ve said, it’s very risky bcoz the reward isn’t sure. It’ll depend on how good you get in blending it. Very unlike of my old track, coz my old dream was a sure successful thing if you persevere in it, if you work and put your soul it in, literally, coz the work does require it. That’s why I felt I was having a mid-life crisis, at the end of a crossroad having to choose between the left or right route. Depending on me which route is “right”.

Now, I think I did make my choice already and I am starting it up. I’ve taken a few babysteps already. Tho the reward financially isn’t here yet, but I feel like I am at the right path coz I feel happy. And isn’t it the most important thing? But I know I’ll go thru a deal of failures from this path, but I just need to keep reminding myself to keep moving forward and start all over again, anyways, anything first is both exciting and hard. For sure, it’ll be a fun route of more learning. As they say, success and failure comes hand in hand. Success comes from multiple failures and those who win just know how to stand up.:)

Three Kings

Christmas is few days away. By now, christmas songs are heard everywhere, adding up metro lights that shines brightly as ever. If only it’ll snow in PI, it can be felt that the favorite season of many is here. Everyone knows that Christmas is to celebrate Jesus birth, but other than that, Christmas won’t be complete without the three kings. And just like him, my new-born-self has three kings. But the difference is they aren’t literally kings who owns a palace and offers me million of dollars or even sack of gold. (How I wish they will. Hahaha). But these are three ordinary men who intrude my current state. J Singleness that I am now, for sure you’re wondering how I can have three men. But as you read on, gal friends will agree that a lady will have these men in their lives. Most will meet them one after another while a few will meet them all at once, just like I do now. That’s why I feel like I’m a new-born baby Jesus with three kings. Hahaha. To end your curiousity, I’d introduce to you my three kings:

King #1:

A king that offered me love, but in return, I offered him friendship.
Awww, poor king. hahaha. But to surprise you, he is indeed my friend now, one of my closest actually. I’ve met a number of King#1 in my life, but they didn’t exactly became my friend. Most of them disappeared into thin air after I told them the magic word, “I like you as friend”. Only one particular king#1 stayed as my friend no matter how much I blurt into his face that magic word. Honestly, I appreciate the guy alot, coz he have accepted my offer without grudges against me, and he’s just plainly happy for me. And I know gals will agree that this kind of man is what they hope their man would be, a man who’d stay even if you push them away or reject them. (well, dream on, hahaha, just kidding, but there are lucky gals out there). This could have been the perfect man, if only, IF ONLY I had feelings for him. But ironic life can be, I don’t feel anything for the guy. So all I’d be able to say is, “Oh life”.

King #2:

A King I’m really attracted to, but the problem is, he doesn’t see me.
Poor me? Nah, he’s blind. Hahaha. This king inspires me to go to work every waking night. Why night? It’s coz I’m working graveyard. Just having him around the same room and seeing him pass by already makes me smile. Hahaha. This king makes me feel like an infatuated high school girl. Oh man.
Having someone to spice your life is a good way to start a happy day (eerr night?). But the problem is he’s too busy to see me. Oh my. He doesn’t even know how to say “hi”. It’s probably coz he’s snob or just plainly not interested. L sadness. hahaha, I’m not the type who goes for the guy he likes, I believe in conservative courting, so for sure I won’t make the first move. But I did gave him alittle “signs” for him to notice, but too bad, he still. Sadness. He’s indeed blind. L haha. But sadness as it is, I’m honestly happy just seeing him around. But it won’t hurt if I’ll get to know him more, once he notices me. Hahaha.

King # 3:
The King of my heart and life, but killed me.
Then why I’m still alive? That’s ‘coz he killed the old-me and gave me new life. J With this king, I was 100% ready to give him my life. I almost did, but still he didn’t notice it and still left me. He didn’t bother to explain himself. And lastly, he didn’t care even if I was dying. But I don’t hate the guy, not even mad coz I’ve loved him too much to even get mad at him, but I am disappointed in him. But I won’t push myself to this guy, if he leaves me, that’ll be fine. One thing I’ve learned from dying was that I would never ever ran after a guy ever again. I did it once or twice when I was with my old-self, ofcourse with him, but I’ll never do it again. If one thing I’d ever advise a gal friend is that to never chase after a man, coz once you do, you’ll be in martyrdom forever. Coz the guy will never treat you right ‘coz he’d always take you for granted. That’s tried and tested, so believe me. I still love this guy, ofcourse. But if he doesn’t want me, I don’t want him either.

They say, everything that’s happening with your life is your choice. Now, if I were to choose, who would I chose to love and spend time with? My answer is none of them. Guess that’s why I’m single up to now. Hahaha. Though my friend tease me that I’ll be “Mother Superior (a nun)”, I don’t buy him, coz I’m still young, I’m just 22, for sure I’d meet a guy who has the character from each of this king, that is “Someone who would stay even if I push him away, who’s good-looking-enough that I’ll be attracted to, and lastly, someone I’d love truly again”. For now, I haven’t met him yet, but I’m waiting and searching at the same time. But I know one day, I’d bump with him along my journey and he’ll offer me a gift greater than gold and money, that’s love and commitment. :)

A Great Lesson Learned in 2008

This year, i came to learn the greatest lesson I’ve learned so far. Since that day I’ve known this secret, it openned my eyes to see broader perspective in things. From then, my journey to learning didn’t stop and it still goes on. haha. I sound like a fairy in a fairytale world.haha. You may say I’m enchanted by the secrets power that turned me from someone who used to be a hardheaded-immature-ignorant-pessimist to the bubbly-worryfree-haggardfree-openminded-happiness me. haha.:) I guess I was enchanted in a good way. hahaha.:) And now, I made my own summary of the things that marked in me which lead me to the person I became. The person I’m so loving now.:)
Before you read it, I just have one favor to ask, that’s not to react on it, just read it, you may listen to what it says or not, but just read it. From there, you may reflect if you want to completely forget about it, or might as well, try it.:)
I personally don’t get to accept completely what was written in the book, but it’s main key point is what enchanted me to the optimism and care-free lifestyle side of life. If you are on that side already, I’m lou can you be my friend? haha. if not yet, I recomend that you give this a try. So here it goes…..:
THE SECRET
Written by: Rhonda Byrne
Summarized by: Lou Macabasco
“THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS”
· The Great Secret of Life is the law of attraction.
· The law of attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you
· Your life is a mirror of the dominant thoughts you think.
· There is no such thing as a hopeless situation. Every single circumstance in your life can change!
· You are like a human transmission tower, transmitting a frequency with your thoughts. If you want to change anything in your life, change the frequency by changing your thoughts.
· “One way to master your mind is to learn to quiet your mind. Without exception, every teacher in this book uses meditation as a daily practice. It wasn’t until I discovered The Secret that I realized how powerful meditation can be. Meditation quiets your mind, helps you control your thoughts, and revitalizes your body. The great news is that you don’t have to set aside hours to meditate. Just three to ten minutes a day to begin with, can be incredibly powerful for gaining control over your thoughts.”
· Decide what you want to be, do, and have, think the thoughts of it, emit the frequency, and your vision will become your life.
· Time serves you because you can think new thoughts and emit a new frequency, now!


TWO SETS OF FEELINGS:
1. Good Feeling – makes you feel good.
2. Bad Feeling – makes you feel bad.

Nothing can come into your experience unless you summon it through persistent thoughts. So, it is impossible to feel bad and at the same time be having good thoughts. That would defy the law, because your thoughts cause your feelings. If you are feeling bad, it is because you are thinking thoughts that are making you feel bad.

Likewise, it’s impossible to feel good and at the same time be having negative thoughts. If you are feeling good, it is because you are thinking good thoughts. You see, you can have whatever you want in your life, no limits. But there’s one catch: You have to feel good.

If you’re feeling good, then you’re creating a future that’s on track with your desires. If you’re feeling bad, you’re creating a future that’s off track with your desires. As you go about your day, the law of attraction is working in every second. Everything we think and feel is creating our future. If you’re worried or in fear, then you’re bringing more of that into your life throughout the day.

Your thoughts and your feelings create your life. It will always be that way.

It’s really important that you feel good, because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the Universe and starts to attract more of itself to you. So the more you can feel good, the more you will attract the things that help you feel good, and are able to keep bringing you up higher and higher.

· The big question now is how can you feel good if you’re feeling down?

Make a list of some Secret Shifters to have up your sleeve. These are things that can change your feeling in a snap. It might be beautiful memories, future events, funny moments, nature, a person you love, your favorite music, anything that can shift you back to feeling good. Then if you find yourself angry or frustrated or not feeling good, turn to your Secret Shifters list and focus on them.

“Be aware that as you are feeling good, you are powerfully attracting more good things to you.”

There are three steps to create what you want:
1. Ask
2. Believe
3. Receive

Asking the Universe for what you want is your opportunity to get clear about what you want. As you get clear in your mind, you have asked.

Believing involves acting, speaking, and thinking as though you have already received what you’ve asked for. When you emit the frequency of having received it, the law of attraction moves people, events, and circumstances for you to receive.

Receiving involves feeling the way you will feel once your desire has manifested. Feeling good now puts you on the frequency of what you want.

“Whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.”‘ – MATTHEW 21:22

“What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” – MARK 11:24

“That a man can change himself… and master his own destiny is the conclusion of every mind who is wide-awake to the power of right thought.”

The main key to good life is Gratitude.

It is absolutely the way to bring more into your life. It is impossible to bring more into your life if you are feeling ungrateful about what you have. Because the thoughts and feelings you emit as you feel ungrateful are all negative emotions. Whether it is jealousy, resentment, dissatisfaction, or feelings of “not enough” those feelings cannot bring you what you want.

Be grateful for what you have now. As you begin to think about all the things in your life you are grateful for, you will be amazed at the never-ending thoughts that come back to you of more things to be grateful for.

Last but main point of the law is learning how to VISUALIZE.

Each morning before you get out of bed, make it a habit to feel the feelings of gratitude in advance for the great day ahead, as though it is done. Visualization is simply powerfully focused thought in pictures, and it causes equally powerful feelings.

Great men knew the secret. They had utter faith in the invisible, and who knew the power within them to bring the invention into the visible. Their faith and their imagination have been the cause of the evolution of humankind, and we reap the benefits of their creative minds every single day.

To end this summary, I strongly believe and have faith in this saying:

The shortcut to anything you want in your life is to BE and FEEL happy now! It is the fastest way to bring anything you want into your life. Remember to remember, that thoughts become things!

Beaming & Bumming

It’s 1:20pm. I’m working on graveyard shift, so I’m supposed to be sleeping by now if I want to be awake on my work later on, but damn, I can’t sleep. L Well, pretty much been sleeping the whole night that’s why. Working @ night is pretty much interesting. A lot of pro’s and con’s. And I’m not clinging to it anymore. I just live it each day, if until when, we’ll see. Just a few more days and 2008 will be done, yippee. Hahaha.. well, as for me, 2008 isn’t pretty lucky year for me, but it sure is a memorable and I’ve learned a lot..TOO MUCH actually. So it’s a pretty GOOD YEAR, just not so lucky. And what I’m looking forward before it ends are, the Christmas bonuses (ofcourse) and a lot of parties (for Xmas). Haha. Exciting. 2009..by now, people are probably listing resolutions and stuff. For me, they’ve been long listed, but as a friend says the action is waiting.hahaha. Things happen, so sometimes you have to delay stuff. And “hopefully”, things will fall into place by next year. And now, my patience needs to be stretched some more. I’ve realized 2008 is a year of “WAITING” for me. That if I’ll look at it in totality, I’d say nothing happens much, in terms of achieving things, but I know for myself that a lot happened and changed. Not just physically (with my bangz thingy) but also mental and emotional perspective. I’ve changed a lot that I see things so differently now. Hahaha. Too different, I amaze even myself. Like for an instance, cutting my hair short with bangs. One of my weaknesses before is my hair, I seldom experiment on my hair (well you can say, never). Coz I have this phobia or whatever you call it, that whenever my hair is cut down or something changed with my hair, I cry. Literally. Hahaha. I can’t say why, but I just cry. Immature as I was before, I even cried in front of the hairdresser who did my hair. Hahaha. But now it’s different, when I cut down hair with bangs, even if I looked like a ball with a wig, I felt happy. Hahaha. Coz finally, I did something out of extraordinary, I’ve went out of my comfort zone and lastly, I was BRAVE ENOUGH to face my fears and ACCEPT CHANGE. And honestly, I’M SO LOVING IT.hahaha. Things aren’t falling into place, or even to my plans, but despite, I’m so happy. Happiness that comes from within, not from someone else, from material things and not even success. I know this kind of happiness won’t last long with all the things life ‘WANTS’ to offer us that makes us crave and feel unhappy, but right now, I just want to recognize this state of happiness I’m having before it goes out. I finally realized that happiness comes in a lot of forms, you just have to acknowledge its existence instead of mourning on things. As I’ve learned, happiness is a choice.

After Closing

Month of October just closed which means another busy “closing” day ended. My work isn’t directly affected by this but it gives me a little bit stress when it’s closing coz that means I’d be overloaded again with another month to handle. I’m trying to relate my topic with this, but the main point of my blogging again is to distress what I feel after a “thing” officially ended. It has been long ended actually, but this time, it’s really closed. When I say this, that means, I’m not turning back. I guess this time I’ve reached my limit, not only coz it was frankly blurt out on my face, but merely b’coz of the fact that the insensitivity of someone reached all the patience or better yet call it martyrdom I have with me. It’s actually good that it was done that way, coz if not I wouldn’t reach this point where I know I won’t turn back anymore. Honestly, I hate this stage I’m in coz when I feel this way on someone, that person can never enter my world anymore. I’m really sad that it happened this way, after all. I’m not sad it ended, coz honestly I love the freedom I have now, I love the feeling of living my life for myself. But I can’t help not to be sad that a once perfect relationship turned out to be my worst nightmare. That the person I’ve perceived as my prince turned out to be a beast. A beast that’s too insensitive. (hahaha, I hope he’ll never read this, but if he will, well this is what I think and I’m just expressing it). You might think I’m having grudges or anything, you may think whatever you want, but I only knows how much I’ve gone thru, and bcoz of that experienced I can 100% say that I’ve stated a fact and not mere grudges. I’m tired. I’m tired of hiding and diverting the grudges I’ve been having. I’d be plastic if I say I don’t coz with everything he put me thru, I’m a saint if I’d say I’m not mad. I’m not mad that he closed me off, I’m just mad with how he did it. Hanging you without answers for a couple of months, then show “gratitude” after that, then close you off again. Insensitive, that’s all I can say. Leche if I’d say it in tagalog. Hahaha. Well, thanks to that tho, coz now, I’m really fed up. No turning back. I’d give myself a trophy for martyrdom if I will. I’m so glad this happened now that I see things in a different perspective coz if before, damn, I don’t know how to cope with it. But as my friends say, God won’t give you a situation where he knows you can’t handle it guess he knows how tough I am now. Hahaha. Now, I’m just excited to meet who my next prince will be, I’m not rushing, coz at this point, I’m loving “singleness”. One thing I’ve realized now is I’m just 22…young..too young.. I’ve made my “not-so-good-priorities” before that lead me to how strong and motivated I am now, that’s why I’m so glad it happened. Other than the fact I’ve saved myself for a lifelong martyrdom, I’ve finally discovered who I am and I’m loving myself more. It’s not being selfish, I’m just being “complete” with who I am. Now, after that close, I know I’ll be better. I was, and I will be. J Now, I feel relieved, coz finally, I’ve expressed my grudge that I’ve been keeping to public coz I was actually waiting. But this time, it’s different. I’m gonna live my life, reach for my goals, learn from my next failures, and hopefully someday, to bump with my real prince, if not, I’d still die happy and fulfilled. :)

Once More

The sun had risen
A new day I’ve dealt
Gave me light to way
Way so vague

Thou memory
Slowly vanished
Have made past
Be forgotten

At one dawn
A ghost haunted
My hopeless heart
And forgotten soul

Once more
Thou heart cries
Thou soul yearn
Thou hope breaks

Time flies
Tears shedding
Love taunting
Life crashing

Pain reside
To sorrow collide
Tomorrow
To deal once more

Lila 10282008

A Time For "ME"

“If you want to escape but can’t go too far, you can always go up!” It’s a script line I’ve got from my favorite Korean series, “My Girl”. To add up, I’ve read a book that says “The most neglected person on earth is you” I never actually felt that this two lines makes sense until I felt that need to escape just to unwind and let the emotional- mental-torture be closed off even for awhile. And so I decided to flee.

At 7pm Saturday evening, I went to the closest National Book store to buy a map. Since for now, I can’t and won’t pay out of my personal money to go too far, I decided to just go up, up my way to Baguio. A place I’ve always wanted to visit coz of its climate and scenery. For a person who thinks not only twice but several times before jumping into something, such move was a surprise not only to my dearest, but I myself. Without plan and reservation, at 9pm I was at the bus terminal buying one way ticket to my destination. And at exactly 11pm, my escape began.

The bus ride was for 6 hours with 3 stop over. The first two hours was the hardest coz I had all mixed emotions of what I left in the city and my fear of being alone in a foreign land. Although it’s still in PI, but the thought I haven’t been in the place for a very long time now does scare me. But still I continued. At 5am of Sunday, I’ve arrived in Baguio. Rode a taxi and blurt out the only hotel I know, Pines View Hotel. The taxi had this weird look when I said the hotel name and made me wants to say “thank you for scaring me more” hahaha. But then again he drove me to the hotel and got there at 5:30 am. The hotel looked deserted tho it was well lighted. Plus no other cars pass by tho there are a lot of cars parked. And so I climbed the stairs to the hotel lobby. Everyone was asleep including the guard and the receptionist. If I’m a bad guy, I can just shoot them to death upon arrival.hahaha. But since I’m just a girl experiencing her early 20’s life crisis, I just asked for a room and didn’t shoot them. J To my luck, there was no available single standard room, so I was forced to get the twin bed room which is a bit more expensive. I had no choice but to accept it since I’m too tired to look for another place especially at that time. I used my bargaining powers, so I was able to save for my breakfast that day and for the next day. At 7am, I went down to eat then afterwards took a long hot shower. At 8:30 I rode the taxi to the Cathedral. It was Sunday, so I did the first thing I always do, I went to attend the mass. I arrived after 10mins and so I still had free time to take pictures. At 9am, I was inside the church attending mass I can’t understand.haha. the language used was their native language so bleh.haha. I was able to survive the mass without bleeding too much. Hahaha. For the rest of the day I just went around Baguio. Sight-seeing, picture-picture, relaxing and enjoying that peaceful-relaxing moment. Not only did the cold weather made me feel better, but the scenery itself made a lot of difference and help. And I can honestly say that this is one of my most peaceful, fun and relaxing tour. And up to now, I still love Baguio the same way.

I never ever thought that day will ever happen, but it’s one of the unforgettable I should say. Now I realized that being alone to just enjoy yourself is a great feeling. Everybody fears being alone, it looks and sounds boring. For some, it looks being unsociable. But I now realized that being alone is great too. It’s a time where you enjoy and have fun with yourself, the most neglected person. In this world, there will come a time that you’d only be able to hang on with yourself, so never lose grip of yourself coz no one else will survive it other than you. Friends would be there, physically or maybe thru text or email, but the emptiness you have inside you no matter how much you divert it, you can only surpass it by facing it and enjoying yourself, sometimes you need to be alone to make it happen.

And now, I’m back in Manila. One thing I’ve learned from my escape that I’d like to remember is this. “Pains, fears and anxieties will be always there to haunt and bothers you, don’t get frustrated, you just need to just stand up every time.”

The Jungle

I used to think that blogs are done by those who have nothing better to do and just plain bored. And karma, someone once blurted that I have so much free time since I always publish a blog. Hahaha. And that person has no idea. But anyways, now I know for a fact that blogs are for people who’d love to vent thru this instead of venting it to other people and ofcourse for people who has the gift to write. What’s good about blogging is you can write anything and won’t be graded or something (well, for some, for sure they’d make fun of your errors, but who cares, they may be worse if they do.).

For me, blogging is not only my venting point. It’s my notebook and reminders of the lessons I’ve learned and would like to remember. Honestly, I re-read my blogs once in awhile, especially when I’m really tired and annoyed, I do that just to remind me of things. But the happiest thing about blogging is when someone actually appreciates your work and is inspired with your words.

I’ve always love reading but dreads writing. Well, not coz I don’t know how to write, but coz I’m not good in expressing myself. I have this thing that when I say something, most of the time, the person I’m talking to gets the wrong idea or is missing my point. Actually, it still happens up to now, people misinterpreting my words, but I realized now that it’s not coz of my writing, it’s the other person’s thinking and on how he/she’d reacts on things. Coz I realized now that no matter how cautious you are with your words, some people are just too sensitive and pessimist. And that’s one thing I know I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

In this jungle of life, I’ve met so many different kinds of people. Well, that’s what you get when you were raised to be mobile. Not everyone knows, but one thing that’s weird about my life is that in my almost 16 years of studying, I’ve attended 10 schools. Yep, you read it right, 10 schools, but ofcourse I only officially declare three (one I graduated in Grade school, highschool and college).haha. If you wonder how and why, well, it’s a very long story. You need to ask me personally.hahaha. Well, back to my topic, the advantage of this was I became independent, open-minded, flexible, adaptable, exposed to change and lastly, I’ve learned to mind my own business. For some, it means insensitive, snob, bitch or whatever, but for me, I like it better that way. Also, during those times, I’ve met different kinds of people, carefree to serious, simple to kikay, jologs to conya, thrifty to spender, listener to talker, conservative to aggressive, shy to confident, professional to unprofessional, name it, I’ve encountered them at one point or another. Before, it annoys me, especially those people who I don’t like, but now I’ve learned to laugh on them. Haha. I’ve learned not to be affected and just continue minding my own business. For some, it’s being autistic, but for me, I’m just plainly minding my own thing. I know for a fact that it’s not 100% good, coz ofcourse you need to mingle too, but for a person who values transparency, I’d rather show how I really am than pretend to be someone I’m not. But I’m not a loner tho, not even choosy, but I guess from all the mobility I’ve been into, I’ve learned to know who to trust and who shouldn’t.

This year, I came to realize one talent I would want to develop, and obviously, it’s my writing skills. And blogging is my training ground. There’s too much thing to learn and experience in this life, I’m just 22 but I’ve known it for a fact now, and I wouldn’t want to miss the chance to leave a trail of what I’ve gone thru and have learned thru this jungle. For those who take time to read it, thank you for the appreciation and till my next blog, and hopefully, on my own book.

Journey

This year, I came to realize one trait that I’d finally admit, and that’s I’m a deep-kind-of person. I’m not totally stiff, but majority of the time, I hate shallow stuff. I don’t like wasting time and I always plan ahead. This trait makes me loveable to others but weirdo for the other. Before I wouldn’t admit it, guess I wanted to look cool, but now I realized that there’s nothing wrong if I am. (But then again, shouldn’t be too much, coz anything that is, is bad. =))

A friend made a blog out of this topic months ago, and I’m not doing this to imitate her ‘cause honestly I really hate second-hand-copy-cats (those kind of people who follows others initiatives, people who doesn’t have creative minds to make their own unique thing). Anyways, enough of venting, haha.

Well, I’m doing this coz I want to show the other side of the Journey, which is the serious side.J
My friend and I are totally opposite, and we both wonder how we can tolerate each other. But now I understand that even if two people live different style in life (carefree or serious), you’d get along as long as you have the same values. Now I know why we love each other.hahahaha. And one thing I love with our contrary is that I get to see different view in life but same values. It makes you open to other possibilities (open-minded) instead of being too close-minded with your own belief. I realized that only then you can learn and grow up to be better. As stated in the book “who moved my cheese?”, you only start to change and be better when you start to see where you are wrong. Very true. Coz until you admit and realize your own folly, you’ll never learn and change to be better.

My own journey isn’t smooth sailing at all. Even how serious and organized I try to be. But its roughness is what makes me enjoy and love it. I wasn’t like this before, honestly speaking, until I fall so deep that I’ve learn the most important lesson in life. And that’s the power of my mind. Coz if you have the proper mindset, whatever circumstance there is, I noticed it doesn’t freak me out.haha. (I mean, as compared to how I was before.:)) Your mind/thoughts are so powerful that you can withstand even the cruelness and bitterness of this life. Ofcourse, you’d also need a lot of guidance from your friends, family and your Creator to make this happen and to remind you of your values, coz human as we are, naturally we are close-minded, we hate being corrected and we tend to be defensive. (The secret to this deserve another blog in the future when I’m not wasted .haha)
Life is a journey, most people know this. We all have different views on how this journey should be. Some wants it to be able to travel and do everything they want to do. For some, it’s getting married and have a big family. And for the others, it’s to become filthy rich and powerful. For me, naturally, I do have lots of plans and vision on how I’ll live it. But there are two things I’d like to live out in this journey, and that is to never stop learning and as much as I can be able to touch other people lives. (Ofcourse I want to balance in the middle traveling, getting married and enough wealth and power.*wink*) For some they won’t notice this coz I’m a bit choosy.hahaha. I’m really nice and be an angel if I like the person, but I’m the most snob if I don’t like it. haha. And I admit, this trait is one thing I need to work on if I want to accomplish my goal.haha. But as my friends say, you can’t please everybody. J You may try, but if they resist, damn, just don’t care!

Love

Falling in love, I should say, was one of the most wonderful things that ever happened to me. Love that can conquer anything and can make you do everything for your honeybunch, sweetheart, babe, or wa’ever you call it, even if people think you’re “ga-ga” or “stupid”. Then when people ask why do you do that? All you can say is “Love”.

Growing up in a country where people feels that “teleserye” are for real while “real life” is drama, I once believed that love should conquer anything and everything, just like how they show it in teleserye. So I’ve loved with all my heart, I was ready to sacrifice and give up everything for the person. And as a song lyrics said, I was ready to give him the world right at the palm of his hand. Honestly, I actually did, I’ve sacrificed even the most important thing that matters to me, my own dream. But unlike the teleserye I’ve followed, my real life drama didn’t end, together happily ever after. And if my own drama will leave ala-Sharon-cuneta-famous-movie-line, that’ll be, “Iniwan ko ang mahal ko dahil sa mahal ko na iniwan ako”, with a teardrop at the left eye. Haha.

I don’t regret it tho, falling in love gave me the best happy mem’ries I could ever cherish. But other than the happiness and wretchedness it brought me, it taught me lessons in life I could never learn the other way. It broke the “love myths” that teleseryes have empowered my naive heart. Loving and brokenness open me to the reality that love will never be like teleseryes that’s happily ever after. It’s the opposite, it’ll give you numerous pains and learning that never ends. But if you ask how to make it last? You’d be surprise to know that Love isn’t the answer, it’s the person’s commitment to make it last. Coz Love itself fades, even deep-true love does. Sad but true.

And the best lesson I’ve learned so far is that love should not conquer anything and everything, that’s a false belief. You should always love yourself first. Never let anyone take over your life, and worse, even sacrifice what you want for anyone. Live and discover for yourself and what you want, and then share it with the person you love. Anything too much is bad, even love.

Oh Philippines!

I duno how many times I’ve said these two words, whether I’m happy saying it or not. And I know a lot have already listed things they’d like and hate about it. Some tag it as “PI”, which I thought then as “P***** Ina”, later on I knew that it means “Philippine Island”. But other than the endless comments I hear about PI, I wonder what more can I say.

I’ve already lived in PI for 22 years, and if this globalization didn’t happen, up to now, I’d be thinking PI is the best paradise in this planet. And honestly, I never thought of leaving it until I was exposed to the lifestyle of other countries. And what’s with them that PI doesn’t have? Just one word, stability.

I once watched “Simple Life”. Yeah, Paris Hilton and her bessy. And whenever I watch it, I’m not sure of what I’ll feel. Sometimes I’m mesmerized by Paris classiness, but half of me want to laugh and cry with what they call, “A Simple Life”. I’ll repeat that word in my head then sigh, “Oh Philippines”. And why? Geez… their simple life, is the life I’ve always dream to have. Hahaha. Yeah, chant with me, “Oh Philippines”. What’s that simple life anyways? Just a two-storey house enough for regular family and one to three “regular” cars. Plain and simple. Wow?? Wow!!!! Hahaha. Oh well, maybe for some of the “blessed” pinoys out there, it is simple, but for “will be blessed” like me (*wink* haha), it’s something I have to work hard for. And what’s dreadful sometimes is, I’m thinking how long before I’d have it? Accountant as I am, I did have calculated it already. And the burden of the years, I’ll keep it to myself. Haha.

This is the only contribution I’d like to add to the long list of why people love to say, “Oh Philippines”. There’s too many reason, but for me, this is the only material thing, stability.

And now, if you ask me, will I leave PI coz of this? My answer, I still have another 22 years.

How to be Haw?!

Nice rhyme. haha. I know you’re wondering who the heck is haw? He’s a character from the book “who moved my cheese?” My new favorite character and adulthood hero. hahaha. Obviously, I’ve liked the book so much. So I posted here some good ideas I’d like to remember when I’m strained with change/uncomfortable situation, and of course, to share it to people who would want to learn the trick. It helps to just keep on passing and spreading the cheese. So here goes:


In General:

“Keep life simple. Don’t overanalyze or overcomplicate things. When the situation changed and the Cheese had been moved, change and move with the Cheese.”

“Ran past your fear and paint a picture in your mind of finding ‘New Cheese’. Running through the maze became less fearful and more enjoyable. And you’ll eventually get a better deal.”

“Change really can lead you to a new and better place, although you’re afraid it won’t at the time.”

“There is always New Cheese out there whether you recognize it at the time or not. And that you are rewarded with it when you go past your fear and enjoy the adventure.”


To Oneself:

“You only start to change when you learn to see what you’re doing wrong; laugh at yourself; change and do better.”

“The fastest way to change is to laugh at your own folly-then you can let go and quickly move on.”

“The biggest inhibitor to change lies within yourself, and that nothing gets better until you change.”


In relationship:

“Let go of old behavior instead of letting go of the relationship. Repeating the same behavior will just get you the same results.”


In your career/business:

“Instead of changing jobs, maybe I should be one of the people helping my
company change. I’d probably have a better job by now if I did.”

“The further we went into our organization, the more people we found who
felt they had less power. They were understandably more afraid of what the
change imposed from above might do to them. So they resisted change.
In short, a change imposed is a change opposed. Learn to adapt faster, for if you do not adapt in time, you might as well not adapt at all.”

“When we saw how well it worked for us, we passed the story along to people we wanted to do business with-knowing their organizations were also dealing with change. We suggested we might be their ‘New Cheese’, that is better partners for them to succeed with. It led to new business.”

Remember to learn how to change and be better. Nothing beats a positive attitude towards anything, including change.

Life's Offer

Climbing up to maturity exposed me to a lot of decision making. Choices which carried me to where and who I am now. And from time to time, I always hear this phrase “Life’s a choice” Whatever perspective you look at, this is the hardest to apply coz you’re too aware that whatever you decide will definitely affect how you’ll be in the future. And sometimes, people tend to think that delaying or not choosing will be the safest, without realizing that they’ve already made a choice. Honestly, I’m one of the guilty parties here. Before, whenever serious decision making is needed, I normally ignore and let it pass me without deciding on anything. I always think of what it’ll do with my future, and when ideas pop up, I get scared and won’t decide anymore. That’s normal, coz you know how to apply the rule of forecasting, which is good coz it makes you anticipate things, however, too much will lead you to where you started, that’s nowhere. As I said, I’m guilty of this coz I used to be very futuristic. But as a changed woman, I came to a point when I realized that deciding on what’s the impact now is better. Ofcourse, you need to add up alittle forecasting, but you should never let it pass you undecided. The best thing to do is, internalize what you really want, decide, and then be happy regardless of the result (good or bad). Don’t look back and move forward. Why am I sharing this now? It’s ‘coz at this very moment, decision making stroked me again. And finally after sometime, I’ve decided. This one is surely not an ordinary thing, it’s way too complicated. But I just feel lucky and blessed, coz I have been offered with an opportunity that I both appreciate and would like to grab, if given a chance. But life’s isn’t perfect, you can’t stand at the both side of a tunnel, so I had to decide and give up one. And the thing that I gave up is the one that I used to wait for. I used to think that could make me happy and can give me bright future. But, when I decided today, for the first time, I didn’t think of the future, I just thought of what I want now and what could make me happy now. And from there, I chose. Right now, I can’t say it’s the best decision, coz I’m fully aware that it’ll surely give me a hard time, the choice I’ve made will surely test me, but I still choose it coz I know it’s what I want at the moment. And from there, whatever hardship I’ll encounter after this, I’m very much willing to face it and just continue moving forward.

Who Moved My Cheese?

This year is sure worth remembering for me. Alot HAPPENED and alot have CHANGED.
If I’ll think about it, looks like I’ve felt all the type of emotions this year. Happiness to sadness, hollowness to fulfillment, contentment to dreaming big again. And if you’ll ask me how I feel about it? My answer is, it makes me go crazy sometimes, but looking at it in totality, I feel wonderful about it. Coz these things changed me to be strong, fearless, competitive, motivated, matured and optimistic. That whatever circumstances may hit me now, I know how to deal with it better.


Most people fear change the same way they fear failure. I used to feel that too, but like failure, I don’t fear change any longer.


At a time big change hit me, I’ve focused my time with my work and with the people around me. And the things that keep me going and be positive are my faith, friends and family. But as they say, when one door closes windows open. This is so true, coz when something important to me ended, a lot of good things started to happen for me. That includes gaining back a lot of friends, closeness with my family, career recognition and exposure, spiritual peacefulness, and a better me. That’s when I came to realize that change is like a blessing in disguise of better things that has to happen.


After the change, there was a time I became contented with the way things are. Taking each thing as it comes. Until one day, my boss recommended me for training, that’s "Managing One Self Program". I’ve learned that to better appreciate change, you should adapt with change and look forward/anticipate change.


The most important thing I’ve learned from this is to never stop visualizing and how to deal with change that can ruin your vision or worse, your life. It may sound vague, but for me, it gave me a clear picture on how I’ll do with my future. I’m not saying I’m very certain with what will happen, but more of whatever future will bring, not only my optimism will help me cope, but I’m equipped with tools on how to deal with it, good or bad. One tool that helped me is this book, “Who Moved My Cheese?” Just a quick background, “Cheese” represents the things that are important to your life. Things that you wish to have. Things that you think you can’t leave without. Everyone have their own cheese in life, and whenever it change or goes out, we tend to freak out and become sad. As we all know, the only certain thing in this life is change, so for sure, this book will help you a lot in dealing with it. It’s hard to explain it in a concise sentences or even paragraph, so I recommend that you read the book. I’m pretty sure after you read it, you’d understand me.

To end this, here’s a summary of what I’ve learned from the book.

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese

Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move

Monitor Change
Smell the Cheese Often So You Know When It Is
Getting Old.

Adapt To Change Quickly
The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner
You Can Enjoy New Cheese.

Change
Move With The Cheese
Enjoy Change!

Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese

Way to Fate

In the midst of fate
Thou love the sunlight guided way
Thou love strengthen will.
Thou love showered courage.
Thou love completed soul.
Thou love shined life.


As thou love begins to set down
Darkness fills the night
Darkness sought to delay
Hollow nights frightening calmness
Night filling up sadness
Sadness turning miseries
Miseries clings darkness.


As night passes by
Thou love showed glimpsed of star
Little shine blinked light to misery
Thou love now fights darkness
Thou love still bring strength.
Thou love still give courage


Night had pass
And sun came in
A new day deal with fate
Thou love keep shinning way.
Lila 080808

As I Mature

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.


I’ve learned that no matter how much I care,
Some people just don’t see it.


I’ve learned that it take years to build up trust,
And it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.


I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others,
They are more screwed up than you think.


I’ve learned that you keep on vomiting
Long after you think you’re finished.


I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do,
Unless we are celebrities.


Finally, I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life
Are taken away from you too soon….
And all the less important ones just never go away.

Switch Off

For me, switching off love is harder than falling in-love. Once you loved someone, the true-sacrificing -kind –of- love (agape), it will be too hard to forget and get over it, or worst you may never do. When someone suddenly wanted to stop loving you, initially, you’d be mad and will use that feeling to help you move on and get over it. But, after sometime, I’ve realized that having that anger in your heart won’t help you, you have to let it go as well. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t be too anxious to get rid of the love, instead, use that love to move on with your own life. Afterall, time does heal all wounds.

Owl's Life

I was once called an Owl, why? ‘coz they say I have big eyes, especially when I’m surprised or trying to intimidate someone. But for almost a year now, I’ve been living a life of an owl. Well, setting aside the big eyes issue, it’s coz I’m working graveyard. Don’t ask why I’ve accepted that kind of life coz I myself don’t want to remember why I did that.
Since the new me is optimistic, I want to remember the advantages I’ve liked being an owl, coz who knows, I might miss it soon.

- Night differential. Talk about the money.

- No traffic. Coz you’d always do the opposite of what the normal human beings do. (You go to work – Normal people go home, vice versa).

- Happy bank account. Coz you save more. So many reason why:

a) No gimmicks on Friday night.

b) Too tired to go out on Saturday, better sleep.

c) You do not need to buy prepaid credits since you wouldn’t have that much textmates, not unless your sweetheart is a guard or taxi driver.

d) No after-work shopping, coz malls don’t open at 6am and you’d be too lazy to wait for the 11am opening.

e) No weekend shopping. Coz you’d rather sleep. In short, the mall will be missing you so badly.

f) No dates/gimmicks. Coz your sweetheart or even friends live a normal life.
(Not unless you have a nice sweetheart who will have a midnight lunch date with you).

g) Lastly, lesser medical bills, coz you’d be too scared to visit your doctors. What you don’t know won’t hurt you, not unless it’s hurting you already.